I’m not that Guac – A Wicked Inspired Appetizer
Guacamole and I have a complicated relationship. And by complicated, I mean I avoid it like a Wicked Witch avoids water. It’s not that I want to be the villain here – I just cannot with the texture. It’s too creamy, too mushy, too… weird. And to top it off, I also have a slight avocado allergy. Not enough to send me into anaphylactic shock, but just enough to make my throat scratchy and give me yet another reason to steer clear.
Now, you’d think that would put an end to my relationship with guac forever, right? Nope. Because my husband? He LOVES it. Like, would-bathtub-bathe-in-it level of love. So, despite my better judgment, I embarked on a mission: to develop the best guacamole recipe… without being able to taste it myself. Because that’s love. And maybe just a tiny bit of stubbornness.
The Wicked Inspiration
Since this recipe is part of our Wicked-themed dinner, I had to give it a name worthy of Elphaba herself. I’m Not That Guac is a playful nod to “I’m Not That Girl,” because, let’s be real – this dish is everything I’m not. Green, smooth, beloved by many. It’s served with purple tortilla chips for a perfect color contrast and garnished with a tiny witch hat and broomstick, because why wouldn’t I accessorize my guacamole?
The Guac That (Apparently) Slaps
Even though I won’t be dunking a chip into this anytime soon, I do know how to build flavors. And my husband – the self-proclaimed guacamole connoisseur – has declared this the best guac he’s ever had. It’s creamy, bright, a little spicy, and loaded with fresh lime juice, garlic, and jalapeño for the perfect kick.
And if you’re one of those people who believes guacamole should only have avocado, lime, and salt, I respect your dedication. But also… live a little.
Tools of the Trade
Before we get into the recipe, let’s talk essentials. Making guacamole is easy, but having the right tools makes it even easier (and way less messy).
🔪 Vegetable Chopper – Because no one wants to spend 10 minutes dicing onions.
🥑 Guacamole Grinder Thingy – This mortar and pestle-style setup is a game-changer for mixing guac to the perfect texture.
🧙♀️ Mini Witch Hat & Broomstick – Obviously, because we commit to the theme in this house.
(Links to all of these must-haves below! 👇)
amazon
Molcajete
amazon
Broom & Hat Set
amazon
Vegetable Chopper
Guacamole, But Make It Wicked
Let’s break this down:
✔ Avocados: Obviously. You want them ripe, but not mushy. If they feel like a stress ball, they’re good to go.
✔ Red Onion: For a little bite. Dice it up small unless you like a crunchy guac.
✔ Jalapeño: Adds just the right amount of heat. If you’re a spice wimp, take the seeds out. If you like to live dangerously, leave them in.
✔ Garlic: Because garlic makes everything better.
✔ Roma Tomato: For freshness. No sad, mealy tomatoes allowed.
✔ Cilantro: If you’re one of those people who think cilantro tastes like soap, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe skip it?
✔ Lime Juice: This is not optional. It adds the necessary zing and keeps your guac from turning into a sad brown mess.
✔ Spices: Salt, black pepper, cumin, smoked paprika, and a little red pepper flake if you want some extra heat. Because we season food in this house.
How to Make Guac Like a Pro
It’s so simple. Slice open those avocados, scoop them into a bowl (or, if you’re fancy, a guacamole grinder thingy – yes, that’s the technical term). Mash them up until you reach your preferred level of chunkiness. Then, stir in everything else, squeeze in your lime juice, and mix until it’s all happy together.
Taste. Adjust. Maybe add a little more salt or lime juice if needed. Or if you’re like me, step away from the bowl and let the guacamole-loving people in your life take over.
Transfer to a serving dish, top with a tiny witch hat and broomstick (because why not?), and serve with purple tortilla chips for the full Wicked effect.
Final Notes & Storage Tips
✔ Keep it green: Press plastic wrap directly onto the surface of the guac before refrigerating to prevent browning.
✔ Add a twist: Mix in a splash of tequila for a very fun party guac.
✔ Make it heartier: Stir in crumbled queso fresco for extra texture.
Are You a Guacamole Elphaba or a Glinda?
So, are you an Elphaba in the kitchen – bold, experimental, and ready to defy traditional guac rules? Or a Glinda—a classic, keep-it-simple kind of person? Let me know in the comments! 👇
And if you make this, please tag me on Instagram [@thefairytalefoodie] so I can live vicariously through your guacamole joy.
I’m Not that Guac – a Wicked Inspired Appetizer
Ingredients
- 3 ripe avocados
- 1 small red onion finely diced
- 1 jalapeño finely chopped (remove seeds for less heat)
- 2 cloves garlic minced
- 1 Roma tomato diced
- ¼ cup fresh cilantro chopped
- Juice of 2 limes
- ½ tsp kosher salt adjust to taste
- ¼ tsp black pepper
- ½ tsp cumin
- ½ tsp smoked paprika
- Optional: ½ tsp red pepper flakes for extra heat
Instructions
- Cut the avocados in half, remove the pit, and scoop the flesh into a large bowl or guacamole grinder.
- Mash to your desired consistency—smooth or chunky, no wrong answers here.
- Stir in the diced onion, jalapeño, garlic, and tomato.
- Add the cilantro, lime juice, salt, pepper, cumin, and smoked paprika. Mix well.
- Taste and adjust seasoning if needed.
- Transfer to a serving bowl and garnish with a mini witch hat and broomstick for the full Wicked effect.
- Serve with purple tortilla chips and enjoy!
- (Or, if you’re me, step away and let everyone else enjoy while you snack on literally anything else.)
Notes
- Make It Your Own: Love extra heat? Add more jalapeño or toss in some red pepper flakes. Prefer it mild? Skip the jalapeño or remove all the seeds.
- Texture Matters: Whether you like your guacamole smooth or chunky, mash it to your heart’s content—no judgment here.
- Keep It Green: To prevent browning, press plastic wrap directly onto the surface of the guacamole or mix in a little extra lime juice.
- Serving Tip: This guac is best enjoyed fresh! If making ahead, store it in an airtight container in the fridge for up to a day.
- Allergy-Friendly?: If you (like me) have a slight aversion to avocados, this guac still makes a great party dish—just delegate the taste-testing!
- Movie Night Ready: The purple chips and tiny witch hat garnish bring the Wicked magic, but this guac works for any theme. Swap out the chips to match your vibe!
